


When the sun goes down.

by twijfelaar



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Mentions of Alcohol Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-05-19 21:48:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5981992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twijfelaar/pseuds/twijfelaar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex deals with the aftermath of her killing Astra. She tries to at least. Her coping mechanism might not be the best.</p><p>Warning: alcohol abuse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When the sun goes down.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote some Angst. Tried to at least. I just need Alex breaking down over what she did. I get the ending of ep 1x13 but it was all a bit too cheesy for me. So here we go, the night after Alex killed Astra.

Alex dumps her jacket at the door kicks of her shoes and stares at the dark and empty apartment she is supposed to call home. It isn’t. if she is not at the DEO, she is at Kara’s most of the time. But not tonight, tonight she needs to be alone. And think about what she did.

It sounds so childish when you say it like that, think about what she did. She didn’t steal a cookie from the cookie jar, no she killed someone. Oh and not just anyone, no she killed Kara’s last living blood relative.

“If she is your sister and I am her aunt. What does that make us?”

She answered with nothing but she knows it is not true. Not true at all because Alex saw, Alex saw she was getting through Astra. Saw the realization, saw the will leave her eyes the moment she mentioned Kara. And then J’onn saved her. He did save her, because no matter what, Astra did try to kill her. She still has the bruises around her neck to prove it. Kara did see those and for a moment Alex remembers the light fingertips ghosting over the tender skin.

She needs a drink to forget this day, too be able to close her eyes and not see Astra dying. To forget the heartbreaking goodbye between niece and aunt.

Except Alex stopped drinking for that exact reason. Alex drank to forget and lately she needed to forget so much. Too much.

She is still staring at the darkness in her apartment when a sudden surge of anger courses through her and she kicks her shoes away. She wants to scream, she wants to hit something. She can’t because she has neighbors so she does the next best thing. Grabs a glass and a bottle of scotch and sits on her couch. Still in complete darkness but Alex doesn’t mind, she worked for a secret agency for years now and the darkness is something she is used too. She spend too many nights exactly like this.

She fills her glass and stares at it. Knowing that if she does this it might end badly for her. She just needs to forget about this week, just for a little bit. She just needs to get rid of the guilt and she needs to get Astra’s last moments out of her head.

She shots the glass with one gulp and brings the glass down with force. She closes her eyes and leans back on the couch.

She sees herself killing Astra, remembers the sheer panic of seeing J’onn held at knife point and grabbing the one weapon that could save him and just doing it. She remembers how surprisingly easy it was to stab Astra through the back, not seeing her face. The easiness the way the sword went through her flesh. Like she was made of butter while Alex knows better.

She gets herself another glass. Tonight is going to be a long night.

She ends up finishing the bottle.

She has moved her pity party to the bedroom and has the glass and empty bottle placed on her nightstand. She is just lying on the bed in her t-shirt and is staring at the ceiling. Afraid to close her eyes because no matter how much she drank, their faces will not leave her mind. She has come to one conclusion however.

Astra deserved better than being stabbed through the back.

Well Alex has come to several conclusions actually; She is a shitty sister who not only lied to her sister for years but also continues to get her into dangerous situations; Kara doesn’t deserve anything that is happening to her right now, this includes having her only living blood relative die, having Cat Grant as a boss and having this weird crush on James who is in a healthy relationship and will not leave his girlfriend; it really sucks alcohol doesn’t affect Kara at all. After 6 glasses Alex started drinking for Kara because damn it Kara deserves a drink. Astra could have been alive if J’onn hadn’t shown up. So maybe Alex would have been splattered on the ground, or her neck would have been crushed. Would that have been so bad?

Looking at the empty bottle Alex wishes for another one. She is going down a path that is absolutely destructive for everyone around her but really how long until Kara finds out what really happened? How long until she loses her sister?

That is when Alex truly breaks, she pushes her face into her pillow and cries. Screams till her voice is hoarse and until her tears are all dried up. Curses every god in existence that she had to choose between letting a good man die or killing someone her sister loved. That is how she falls asleep, her face deep in the pillow and with an empty bottle of scotch on her nightstand.

Of course she has nightmares.

They all start the same, the fight on the roof. She is talking to Astra and then Kara is there and J’onn and she is stabbing Astra while Kara is screaming for her to stop. And then time loops back and Kara isn’t there but neither is J’onn and Alex gets thrown to the ground. She just keeps falling, it doesn’t seem to end. Just falling with Astra staring at her cruelly. And then before she hits the ground Astra is there flying down with her while her chest is breaking apart and blood is spurting from the wound and there is so much blood on Alex’s hands. She is still falling and then Astra grabs her neck and starts squeezing and that is when Alex wakes up.

Her face is still shoved in her pillow and breathing is difficult and for a moment she believes that someone is squeezing her neck. She trashes and rolls on her back and starts coughing and tries to take deep breath between the coughs.

She looks at her alarm and sees she got a solid 4 hours of sleep and gets out of bed. It’s not like she would be able to sleep anyway. Stepping into the shower is refreshing, she closes her eyes and rests her head against the wall. The cold tiles are doing wonders for the headache she can feel coming up. She looks at her hands and she can still see the blood from her dreams on them, can feel the stickiness of it. She starts washing her hands like a maniac. When she is done they are red from scrubbing but Alex can almost pretend she washed the blood away.

**Author's Note:**

> Also posted on my tumblr! I have the same username there if you wanna look me up.


End file.
